In a nutshell: you can (and should!) express your feelings anytime. However, context and timing matter. If you're in a professional meeting, share the feeling, but in a way that matches the context. But, in a one-on-one with a trusted colleague, discussing a multitude of work-related feelings with personal stories can be just wonderful.
The key here is to consider your surroundings and the people involved when you are talking about feelings.
First, think about the space and context where your emotional discourse is likely to occur. Then, think about how much (or how little) you want to talk.
Q: With Whom Should I Talk About My Feelings?
Communicate your feelings with the people who either need to know or want to know how you are feeling. For example, if you are feeling unsafe in any situation, it is important to share that feeling with others.
Share your personal stories and experiences with people who you trust and feel comfortable with, people who can provide you emotional support. This could be a close friend, family member, mentor, or mental health professional.
Keep in mind, communicating your feelings can be very different than having a personal and intimate conversation talking about your feelings.
Q: How Should I Talk About My Feelings?
Expressing emotions should be an exercise in authenticity, not a performance. Here are a few tips for when you are talking about feelings:
Be Honest: It's okay to say, "I'm not okay." Honesty opens the door for sincere dialogue.
Be Specific: Instead of saying you're "upset," pinpoint the exact emotion. Are you frustrated? Disappointed? Hurt?
Use "I" Statements: Frame your feelings from your perspective to avoid blaming others. Say "I feel…" instead of "You made me feel…"
Q: How can I practice talking about my feelings?
Pay attention to how other people talk about feelings.
Do they use “I” statements?
Do they practice blaming techniques?
Do they explain or justify how they are feeling?
Now, practice telling someone how you feel about an upcoming event.
⬇️ Read below if you get stuck!
👩🏼🏫 Here’s how:
Observe the sensation. Can you identify the emotion?
Create a space or container for the emotion to exist. Is there anyone else in this space?
Communicate with yourself to regain composure: How do I feel? What do I believe? What do I know? What don't I know?
Listen and reflect on your answers. Remind yourself that it takes ⌛ 90 seconds ⌛ for an emotion to cause a spike in cortisol in the body and for the body to flush it out again.
Q: What's Not Okay?
While emotional openness is healthy, there are a few don'ts to keep in mind:
Don't Ignore Consent: Always ensure the other person is comfortable listening to your emotional sharing.
Don't Use Feelings as Weapons: Emotions shouldn't be used to manipulate or guilt others.
Don't Neglect Self-Care: Talking about feelings is crucial for social and emotional regulation, but remember to take steps to manage and care for your emotional health, too.
Great job!
At Personal Reflexive we are launching a ¡free! course for our community called “Feelings 101”.
📺 WATCH: Feelings 101: How do I talk about feelings?
P.S. Want to keep going?
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The Cadre community is making big strides in talking about mental health and connecting people with the mental-health services they want.
You can find Personal Reflexive live on the Cadre platform every Tuesday and Friday morning to talk about feelings.
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